Corporate Tech Support Sucks

As a person that has more than half a brain [that’s working], this makes me dangerous and intimidating to most corporate ‘tech support’ nut heads out there.

The corporate tech support nowadays is the equivalent to the introduction of a voice mail box or an automated response to ‘if your skin is blue press #2 on your phone.’

Trying to find answers to your own issues is [in my experience] the best way to go. Contacting tech support for Nuance, Target, Creative, Acer or some other corporate sweat shop, your just gonna get crap.

I don’t like contacting support, but when I absolutely have to I’m pleasantly reminded each time how stupid they really are.

When I submit my issues they’re coherent, they make sense, they have a beginning and ending. I actually take the time to send them exactly what I’m doing and compose it the best I possibly can in the hopes that I might catch someone that can read, but alas, it’s never happened. I always seem to get JoBoo the tech support jargon master of circular diagrams and canned responses.

The corporate tech support dogs have their army of ‘Canned Responses’ to everything.

Keep in mind, I don’t mind canned responses when they actually apply to what I’m doing or having a issue with, but my problem is when I get canned responses for crap I didn’t even report! The thing about ‘canned responses’ is that the person has to actually be able to read the problem first, to give the proper response.

This means that dumb-dumb head [maybe not even a real person] on the other end just scanned it for a few key words and then replied back with ‘using your can opener, replace the monitor to make the modem faster and upgrade your Internet’.

I find that if I can find a public discussion forum out there with real people, I get much better results. And overall, I’m happier with the results. At least the answers to questions or issues pertains to your question and not what color the sky is because you said, ‘blue screen of death’.

It’s just so painfully obvious that when corporates say 24/7 that it’s true, but it’s usually not within a timely fashion [taking 48 hours to respond isn’t timely]. Having to use my ‘Spider man decoder ring’ to decrypt JoBoo’s ethnic slurs of my native language is not support, giving me information to problems I don’t have is not support. I need answers to my problem, I don’t want NEW problems.

The corporate sweat shops hire the rock bottom of the barrel people, pay them almost nothing [because they have to know nothing] and just have them listen for key words and look up solutions; No thinking or computer knowledge is required. It’s only when you keep on them do you get a response from someone higher, but you’ve to be persistent. You’ve gotta hold that line baby, because any attempt they can, they’re going to try to ‘PUNT’ you to someone else.

So if you want answers, try a knowledge base first, try to find a discussion forum on the subject, state your case and see if someone can help you. It seems that’s where people that can READ hang out. If that doesn’t work, put your boots on, put on your goggles and watch your behind, because they’re going to try to take you for a ride!


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